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I’ve barely stepped foot into December, and already, I’m over the  Yuletide sensory overload.  Mariah Carey’s holiday song caterwauling.  Sickeningly sparkly Christmas decor.  Last year’s gifts re-gifted.  Egg nog cocktails and seasonal lattes guzzled by the gallon.  Christmas tree vendors hogging up the sidewalks with their pines.  I know the shopping and tourism helps the economy, but bah, humbug already!  Give me my cha-cha heels! !

Thanks to Chris March and his white (trash) Christmas rendition of ‘The Nutcracker Suite,’ I found merriment this season.  The Project Runway alum designed, wrote, produced, and directed this show.  Staged at HERE Theater in SoHo, Chris March’s Butt-Cracker Suite! is a fast-food fueled, soda-soaked romp whose heroine Clara (played by March, looking like a cross between Honey Boo Boo and an adult baby festishist) dreams of becoming the prettiest ballerina of the trailer park.  Genius costumes and staging produce some hilarious dance numbers (all played by a chorus of high-kicking Off-off-Broadway faux Rockettes) –  one with glow-in-the-dark flamingos, another with a Mobius loop of ugly Christmas sweaters, and another complete with working electric lamp skirts.  Add in some segues of your favorite holiday camp moments (of the white trash variety) and the gams (and a nice ass-crack) of a couple of muscle-y gazelle-like male dancers, and you get a healthy serving of tweaked-out holiday cheer.

Tickets can be purchased by calling 212-352-3101 or on the Web at

CHRIS MARCH’S BUTT-CRACKER SUITE! runs November 24 – December 29 on the following schedule: Tuesday – Friday at 8:30pm; Saturday at 8:30pm & 10:30pm; and Sunday at 4pm & 8:30pm with added shows Nov. 26 at 8:30, Dec, 26 at 4 and Dec 28 at 10:30pm. There is no show on Christmas Day. HERE Arts Center is located at 145 Avenue of Americas at Dominick Street, one block south of Spring Street (accessible from the C,E trains at Spring Street). The box office is open after 5pm on show days or 2 hours before any performance.



  1. joey

    December 6, 2012 at 12:50 PM

    This is the worst musical ever, certainly not worth the $50.

  2. Bruce Camp nyc

    December 20, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    This is the best Christmas fun to be had in New York! High quality clever camp humor elevated into political commentary and Art. If you don’t get the humor of this show, you probably don’t get much of anything. Brilliant!

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