15 Best Jokes From the Charlie Sheen Roast!
Next Monday Comedy Central will air the footage shot from this Weekend’s Charlie Sheen Roast. Ironically airing the same day as Ashton’s premiere on Season 9 of â€œTwo And A Half Menâ€.
There is no doubt a lot will be cut, just to keep the show moving, and it was obvious that some roasters shouldn’t be roasting. Do you remember the Situation during the Donald Trump Roast? That was indeed a â€œsituationâ€.
The Roasters included: William Shatner, Kate Walsh, Jon Lovitz, Patrice O’Neal, Amy SchumerMike Tyson, Steve-O, Jeffrey Ross . . . and â€œFamily Guyâ€ creator Seth MacFarlane, who served as the â€œroast master.â€
Here are the top 15 Best Jokes â€“ that we can print:
15. â€œHow much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.â€ â€“ Jon Lovitz:
14. â€œAccording to the Torah, Charlie’s a Jew. Not because his mother’s Jewish. But because CBS paid him $50 million and he still sued the network.â€ -Jon Lovitz:
13. â€œOf course they fired you, Charlie. Every time the writers tried to put new lines in the script, you’d try to snort them.â€ â€“ Ross
12. â€œCharlie, no one can make fun of your iconic films. Platoon. Wall Street. Platoon. Wall Street.â€ â€“ Ross
11. â€œCharlie, the crazy thing is that you thought you could keep your job after calling your boss a â€˜Jew kike’. If people could keep their jobs after calling their boss a â€˜Jew kike’, then everybody would do it.â€ â€“ Anthony Jeselnik
10. â€œCharlie and I have a lot in common. We both love porn, we’ve each done a ton of drugs, and neither of us are actors.â€ â€“ Steve-O
9. â€œTwo and a Half Men is so bad that it stars Jon Cryer.â€ â€“ Amy Schumer
8. â€œCharlie, you’re how old? 46? Then how come we look like we went to high school together?â€ â€“ William Shatner
7. â€œDon’t you want to live to see your kids take their first 12 steps?â€ -Jeff Ross
6. Comparing Sheen to Bruce Willis: â€œYou were big in the ’80s, and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.â€ â€“ Amy Schumer
5. â€œThis roast is so full of nobodies, I was hoping I’d get replaced by Ashton Kutcher.â€ â€“ Jeff Ross
4. â€œYour nose is like my ass, there’s nothing you won’t shove up thereâ€ â€“ Steve O
3. Mike Tyson has beaten every opponent he’s ever faced â€” except the letter S.â€ â€” Seth MacFarlane
2. â€œCharlie, the only reason you got on TV in the first place is that God hates Michael J. Fox.â€ â€“ Anthony Jeselnik
1. â€œYou’re how old, Bill? 80? Well, the next time you star in a series, it’ll be called Shit My Dad Is Sitting In.â€ â€“ MacFarlane to Shatner
So the question is, will you be watching The Roast or â€œTwo and a Half Menâ€ next Monday.